You should’a

Dear Lord, you shoulda killed me when you had a chance.


I’ve been a mother for nearly 40 years. At this advanced age it’s still the most painful, heart wrenching job I’ve ever had to do. And I’ve made the decision to put beloved animals down. Conflicts between children that hurt a mother’s heart are much worse.

Is this truly unfixable? Is it possible that my two daughters,despite being my flesh and blood will never get along, that one or the other will always feel less loved and unhappy at any given time?

I sometimes think I wasn’t meant to be a mother at all. That both of my children would be better off with another mother and I shouldn’t have been allowed to dabble in the really important task of raising children when I’m so obviously unqualified.

Then again there are times when I’m furious at them for not being adults and settling it between themselves instead of dragging me into it.

Ah well, next life God or whomever is in charge of such things, don’t give me children! I just fuck up these important things!

This is the most special version of this song. The haunting sounds of Matt’s guitar and the poignancy in Caleb’s voice. Really brings the song straight to your heart.


In today’s “The cover is better that the original”, we chose King of Leon’s Dancing on my own. The original song is by Robyn.

Why it’s better: Robyn’s original song is quite good but is a song that you dance to,  that scene in “Girls” with Hannah and Marnie comes to mind. Kings of Leon plays an almost acoustic version and like with all acoustic versions of a song you pay more attention to the lyrics.This interpretation is even melancholic and sad. Caleb’s voice is more heartfelt here than when he sings for the millionth time “Use Somebody”.

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Goosebumps and tears. You have to hear this!

Bluebird Blvd.



I’ve been haunted by this version of Lilly Allen’s “Chinese,” her tribute to her mother, Allison Owen, by the Capital Children’s Choir for nearly a year now.

I’m not even sure where I saw or heard this choral arrangement first. It’s possible that I watched it on the official Capital Children’s Choir YouTube page (click anywhere on this YouTube video to go to that link) or maybe I heard a snippet of it on Grooveshark?

You all know I listened to at least ten hours of new music per week last year. And you know I’m going to forget details here and there. (And this year is working out to be nearly the same ratio of music per week, plus that forgetting of details and car keys.)

My point is: I really, really wanted to post this video last spring.

But I couldn’t. Not…

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Bluebird Blvd.

In the Dream Kingdom

In the last three weeks, I’ve dallied a great deal in the shade-world of Pinterest, watching the deluge of images cascade, and cascade again down an infinitely scrolling page.

Sometimes I posted gewgaws to Pinterest as I lay there in the dark unable to sleep.

Sometimes I gazed at the pageless wonder of Pinterest as I sat in a car passing through a sylvan countryside as pretty as any Pinterest picture.

Sometimes I glanced over Pinterest when I ran out of words and I did not want to disturb my grandmother while she slept to the beat and hush of the oxygen machine in her pretty hospice room.

And sometimes, in the aftermath of my grandmother’s death, I’ve found myself on Pinterest again, in search of the random and the beautiful and the strange— because I do not understand the random…

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I loved this. #songoftheday

Bluebird Blvd.



I know—

that it’s not

a dream.


Please do stop by Schmutzie when you can— this community-minded, multitalented creator/blogger will sweeten and smarten up your world. Seriously.

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It’s #GivingTuesday

It’s #GivingTuesday! I gave to #KidsNeedtoRead. Check them out here: http://www.kidsneedtoread.org/  Donate here:http://www.kidsneedtoread.org/donate.html


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