Dear Lord, you shoulda killed me when you had a chance.
Archive for August, 2015
I’ve been a mother for nearly 40 years. At this advanced age it’s still the most painful, heart wrenching job I’ve ever had to do. And I’ve made the decision to put beloved animals down. Conflicts between children that hurt a mother’s heart are much worse.
Is this truly unfixable? Is it possible that my two daughters,despite being my flesh and blood will never get along, that one or the other will always feel less loved and unhappy at any given time?
I sometimes think I wasn’t meant to be a mother at all. That both of my children would be better off with another mother and I shouldn’t have been allowed to dabble in the really important task of raising children when I’m so obviously unqualified.
Then again there are times when I’m furious at them for not being adults and settling it between themselves instead of dragging me into it.
Ah well, next life God or whomever is in charge of such things, don’t give me children! I just fuck up these important things!